At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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