so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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