I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I queefed so loud it echoed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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