We need to rekindle our bromance
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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