I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
