I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
