mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
