No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
