Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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