For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
