Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize