I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
