Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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