Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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