Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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