I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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