we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you didnt know i had herpes?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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