and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
