Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
