just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
