Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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