What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
