I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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