I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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