have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
