I love black thongs
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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