my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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