you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
