i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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