"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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