please come you make the beer taste better
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
