somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize