I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
