do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize