I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
