My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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