what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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