Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
