So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
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