dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
