you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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