you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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