question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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