I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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