Too much gin, very little bucket
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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