I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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