I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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