You're completely useless in the revolution.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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