used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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