you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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