i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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