I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Couch. On fire.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
