I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
