Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
