he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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