You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize