I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
