yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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