i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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