I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
