She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize