I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
