I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
