i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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