My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
