wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
