my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize