Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize