She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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