i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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