hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
If that was your dad, he is hot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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