There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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