What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can't put those talents on a resume
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
