You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
