Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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