this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
