new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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