someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
