So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
