I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
