My hand turned me down
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
