it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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