your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
