you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
